his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
