Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Small penises have feelings too.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize