Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
