I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
