He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
