8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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