You're so nebulous sometimes
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
