What did we do last night that was yellow?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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