So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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