No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
