I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
