well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
