About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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