i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
