Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
