just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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