I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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