I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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