It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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