I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
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I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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