after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
