he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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