I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
