my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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