i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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