did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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