Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
