Apparently you make a good broom.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize