i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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