im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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