Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize