her vagine was all disorganized.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
