We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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