So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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