put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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