I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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