he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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