1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
