take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
it hurts more in the daytime
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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