What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
