Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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