I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
