I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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