I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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