Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
