i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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