the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
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I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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