Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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