sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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