OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
