when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
