The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
