Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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