i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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