my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
