I just made out with a guy for $7.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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