i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
