im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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